Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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