she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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