I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm always down for nudity.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
