You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize