"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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