Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Blood and glitter go together right?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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