In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize