I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
