I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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