Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
We talked him into tasing himself.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
