I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Randomize