Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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