That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
