i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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