His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
