I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
