jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Your penis caused this!
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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