Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Randomize
