Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
