i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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