I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize