My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize