it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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