How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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