Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
