we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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