What a fucking waste of an outfit
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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