i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
