hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
