apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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