My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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