I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
