We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
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