Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
