So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
