Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
