True but thats because hes a fetus.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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