I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
