you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
