Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
