Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
