I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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