Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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