How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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