I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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