you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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