dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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