Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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