So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
So many bounce houses so little time
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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