And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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