I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
It's blow job season.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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