The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
