i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
