I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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