i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
