yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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