10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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