why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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