You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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