3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
it was like his penis was on wheels.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
