Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
