I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
