I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
