Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize