i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
