You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize