So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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