I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
