I think my fart just growled at me.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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