i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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