I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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