I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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