i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
being pregnant is like rehab
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
