Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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