I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
